The first thing you do, on arrival in Gatlinburg, is to stop by the Happy Hiker to have your picture taken. Then get the hell out of there; they are one of those places with insanely jacked-up prices. They’re even more expensive than the so-called outfitter at Fontana Dam! Go to Smoky Mountain Outfitters instead. They have a better selection of the stuff you’re going to buy: fuel and food, and they’re much cheaper. Take the blue line trolley to Winery Square.

Speaking of which, you may as well become familiar with the trolley system, since you’re going to be using it.

If you need to pick up a package, the post office is also on the blue line trolley, and you’re going to go to that stop anyway, since Food City is across the street, and their prices are about what you’d expect from a grocery store. No jacked up tourist prices here. The Wash Tub laundromat is also on the blue line, and it’s open 24 hours.

When I went to Gatlinburg I stayed at the Grand Prix Motel, on the red line, for $45 a night, but with 100 motels in Gatlinburg, you could do better. Another option is to stay in Pigeon Forge, where motels start around $25 a night. To get to Pigeon Forge, take Gatlinburg’s purple line trolley to the welcome center, and change to the Pigeon Forge trolley there. You can also get to the Wal-Mart Supercenter in Sevierville this way.

There is one restaurant in Gatlinburg which you cannot miss: Corky’s Bar-B-Que at light #3. And this is the reason: All you can eat ribs. Falling off the bone, melting in your mouth, all you can eat, juicy ribs. Because, let’s face it, you really need the protein right about now. It was $18.99 last week.

Finally, lobby your local A.T. hiking club to have one or more of these installed on the Trail.

Hopefully these notes will help you get in and out of Gatlinburg with a minimum of hassle. Happy hiking!